I asked a group of 10 and 11 year old pupils what was the main aim of marriage. (They were about 11 or 12 in all). I gave them 5 options: child bearing; division of labour; financial upliftment; social status or love. Most of those kids selected child bearing as their preferred option. None of them picked love. I think one or two of them selected other options apart from child bearing and love.
Actually it's in the DNA of Africans to see a woman as a baby making machine who's often rated based on how prolific she is in making babies. If she fails in this basic responsibility, she's as good wasting her time in the matrimony.
But this shouldn't be so. The primary aim of marriage is love, cordiality, mutual cohabitation and non-exploitative complementary symbiosis. Any other reason should be secondary. The situation that women are treated as the dangling pendant in the gold necklace of men is dehumanizing. There should be mutuality and cordiality.
The fact that a woman is incapable of making her own babies through the common mode of child bearing does not make her a lesser woman. She is a full woman who is not in the natural position to bring forth babies from one of the ways of having children. She could joyfully explore other means of having children without feeling inferior to other mothers who make babies through internal fertilization.
The fact that a woman is not capable of making babies in the most natural or popular means does not mean she is at fault or the direct cause. It may even be the man that is at fault. But most of the time, the society excuses him. All the blames are heaved on the innocent woman who may never have been connected to any other man sexually except her husband. In most cases, the men in such relationships may want to try their luck outside. That's where there is inequality in the way the society treats the menfolk and womenfolk. If the society permits a man to freely taste other soup(s) outside if he is tired of the sour soup at home, or he feels like changing his taste possibly to taste a fresher soup, then a woman should be free as well. If a man feels the woman is responsible for bareness at home and the solution is to shoot arrows at other targets, then the woman should be free to have other arrows shot at her.
A woman shouldn't live as a victim because of a little "coma" which may not be her fault; rather, she should rejoice always, and be herself; and not allow anyone pin a wrong label on her.
©EXRADALLENUM OLUSEGUN AKINSANYA
Artwork by Pablo Picasso
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