It is as elusive as it sounds,my memory
Like a nonexistent entity that seems so surreal
Almost like a dream that evades me.
The more I try to reach for it,
The more it seems to stray
Further afar from me
Almost like it doesn't exist...
So frustrating it is,
Each time I think, I am close to reaching
Close enough to clutch it;
It disperses and then disappears
Like it doesn't exist, yet it exists
As if palpable, I claw in my mind's eye, an imaginary hand around it
BUT only to find empty, my palms.
My features distorts, compelled by flimsy feelings, paranoia ergo persistent nag
Scrambling, scratching for what I seem to have lost but still have
Seeking,searching with my mind's eye
Consciously unaware, anxious to reach
Feeling it,feeling lost
All at one same time.
Each try inures to failure
An overwhelming acute sense of loss
Fills me to the brim of my entirely
My heart's content abounds in apprehension
Anxious excitement comes unbounded
Contending to grasp; Yet disappointment serves disdain on a cold platter.
My memory so elusive, it seizes to exist
The more I try to reach for it,
The more it disperses and disappears.
Each time I reach for that bit,
Every time, in disarray, it leaves me
Trying to find it but alas gone, yet not
Instead only leaves merry imprints of tortuous teasing in its wake.
A sinking mirage! A skeptical sham! A daunting prospect!
Is all that describes my memory
Or what's left of it
For it seems flummoxed, perplexed as it is
To what it is supposed to be
And what it is supposed to be, I know not.
Truly indeed, it is naught but an illusion?
Pessimism rears it ugly self
Arms akimbo that perhaps I may never actualize
My heart denies such flummery
Perhaps I might again, finally grasp
Ahold my dear elusive mirage
Which seems to have no qualms
Teasing me painfully so.
Perhaps, as I least expect, in some unseen future
Would seem preposterous
To think my elusive mirage unobscured
And my mind aligned with translucent clarity
Seeming as though it was always there
BUT, until then my alien torment unending...
©Afolabi Aderonke
Artwork by; Cindee Klement
Artwork by; Cindee Klement
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